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Funny Jokes #1

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A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, «If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.» He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, «If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero» The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, «If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week.» The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, «If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want.» Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, «What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess that I’ll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?»

The man said, «Look, I’m a computer programmer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.»

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2 tomatos were sitting int he fridge... one turns to the other and says...
"brrrrrr its soooo cold in here..."
the other one jumps up and say...
"aaaaah!!!!! omggg!! a talking tomato!!!"

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joke 1 : i met the guy who invented window cills

joke 2 : my mates butlers left arm went missing serves him right 

joke 3 i bet you dont have a subject i havent got a joke about he said beevers i said damn

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A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of a coughing syrup.
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Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks: “Well? Are you still coughing?”
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The patient replies: “No. I’m afraid to.” 

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As a child, my parents did not buy me anything, now I'm an adult. Now I'm able to afford not to buy anything!

 – Doctor, I'm afraid to treat teeth! I think it's better to give birth than to suffer the pain of a drill.
Dentist:
– Girl, well, you decide quicker so I know what seat to put!

 Strange creature – man. Hits because he loves. Fighting for peace. He works to get some rest. Drinks poison for health…

1 – You have to live every day like it's your last day!
– That is, every morning to go to the notary to write a new will?

 

2 The blonde comes to the doctor. Doctor:
 Say "Ah."
 Small or big?

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There are two girlfriends of the French. One asks the other: - Honey, how did you spend the New Year? - Well, as always in bed ... - Yes?! And there were a lot of people?

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Un brave homme trouve la mort dans un accident. Il se retrouve au purgatoire devant Saint-Pierre.

La première chose qu’il voit c’est un mur très long où sont accrochées des horloges. Sous chaque horloge, des noms : Berlusconi, Blair, Obama, Poutine, Margaret.

Il demande à Saint Pierre : «C’est curieux ces horloges? C’est quoi?» et Saint-Pierre répond : «C’est simple… Ce sont les horloges de leur vie! A chaque fois qu’ils disent une grosse connerie, l’horloge avance d’une heure en moins sur leur vie. Deux conneries, deux heures en moins et ainsi de suite.»

«Ha, très bien, mais c’est curieux, je ne vois d’horloge avec Sarkozy ? Pourtant c’est un grand personnage aussi ?»

Saint Pierre réfléchit, pensif. «Sarkozy? Ah, oui, Sarkozy. Je l’ai mise sur mon bureau, elle me sert de ventilateur!»

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Nice topic. It helps to relax a little.

What’s the difference between an online casino and a live casino? – At an online casino, you can cry when you lose, and no one will laugh at you (old one) ^^

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