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Funny Jokes #1


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He asks his driver on his way to the airport if he could drive around for a while because they have time to kill and he hasn't driven a car since becoming the pope.

Naturally, he's a bit rusty, so he's driving poorly, when suddenly he sees police lights behind him. He pulls over and when the officer comes up to the window his eyes go wide. He says to the pope "Hold on for a minute," and goes back to his car to radio the chief.

Cop: "Chief we have a situation. I've pulled over an important figure."

Chief: "How important? A governor or something?"

Cop: "No sir. He's bigger."

Chief: "So, what? a celebrity or something?"

Cop: "More important, sir."

Chief: "A major politician?"

Cop: "No sir, he's much more important."

Chief: "WELL WHO IS IT!?"

Cop: "Well actually I'm not sure. But the pope's his driver."

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Take a break - smile.
The son-in-law asks the mother-in-law:
- Mother-in-law, and go get me cigarettes! Here's a thousand, keep the change for yourself.
Mother-in-law went out and bought cigarettes. After 10 minutes, the son-in-law calls his mother-in-law again:
- Mother-in-law, and run away for your beloved son-in-law for a beer! Here I give five thousand, keep the change for yourself.
Mother-in-law ran to the store, brought a beer.
A phone rings, the wife rings:
- Dear, and you gave your mom a pension?
The husband replies: -I am giving it away slowly.

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The husband informs his wife:
 “You know, dear, I invited a friend tonight to have dinner with us.”
 - You're out of your mind!  There is dirt in the apartment, the child has snot, there is nothing to eat at home, I have laundry - and he invited!
 Husband:
 “Exactly, let him see.”  He is my best friend, and lately he has begun to think too much about marriage ...

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People with fingers like a fan are held in high esteem by geishas.  

The climber who has lost a week in the snow finds himself on a mountain brothel.  Madame meets him at the threshold: “Monsieur, do you want a woman?” “No, no, no, no ...” “Monsieur, do you want a girl?” “No, no ...- Monsieur, do you want a boy?”  baked in dough .- Oh, Monsieur understands a lot about perversions !!!

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